This Is Why I Still Think That Tinder Sucks Very Much

Picture: Tony Öhberg for Finland Today

Picture: Tony Öhberg for Finland Today

The beauty of having an opinion about something is that you can change it. In the love-hate-relationship I foster since a couple of months with the infamous dating-app tinder, that means me re-installing and re-creating a profile whenever loneliness strikes the most. Desperation has always been the best drive for action, hasn’t it? And yet, tinder never lets me down: I most certainly always find new material to be used as evidence for why this app sucks so much.

When the snow is melting and the sun is shining, not only the bees and the flowers start getting active, also our basic human mating instincts awaken after a long hibernation. What to do when you live in a land far up north, where people don’t look at each other and merely exchange a word or two when completely hammered? Time to get tinder activated again! This is the first time I use it in Finland, having had it for full four days in Stockholm, only to frustratedly de-install it, swearing to never ever touch it again. I am positively surprised at first – most of the straight-forward and honest Finns, much unlike the superficially chatty Swedes, start a conversation right away after we matched, or at least are more responsive should I be the one to start it! And, even more surprisingly, they suggest a face-to-face meeting in order to not waste time on an endless chat that leads to nowhere. I like!

A few setbacks aside (there’s probably always that one person who seems to collect matches but then has nothing to say to you, not even when asked – and yes, the one naked guy could have raised my suspicion about his intentions right away, but hey, I just thought he’s extremely outgoing and funny in his own way!), I start engaging in numerous conversations and arrange for equally numerous personal meetings. So numerous that I am briefly considering the usage of a color-coded excel sheet in order to not lose track – but where would be the fun in that?

I start engaging in numerous conversations and arrange for equally numerous personal meetings. So numerous that I am briefly considering the usage of a color-coded excel sheet in order to not lose track – but where would be the fun in that?

Given my all-in-approach this time, I am happy to be able to elaborate to you in what other, previously not pointed out, ways tinder sucks very much. Sure, it has some advantages – when you meet a person in the wilderness, you don’t know whether they are looking for someone, are single or not, just want to have a good time with their friends, and so on. On tinder, people have run through a purpose-filter already. You can even be sure about their sexual orientation! Though, being realistic about the comparison I just drew there, it is probably not too difficult to recognize mating-ready other humans also without a label on their forehead, if you haven’t spent your entire grown-up life in a box.

Meeting tinder matches face-to-face is like watching a movie adaption of a book you very much liked: It never matches your expectations, and most certainly the interpretation you had in mind is excelling motion-reality. Why don’t they ever seem to get this character right, and how come it all looked so much prettier in your head?!

And not only do expectations spoil your real life and lead, once again, to disappointments, also blind dates are per se not very suitable for getting to know a person. You get this ‘product’ ripped out of context and placed in front of you, soberly trying to impress you with all possible means and tools. Meeting a person in the wild, and a casual environment, gives you so much insight about them: How are they with their friends, waiters, other people? What are their opinions generally and not channeled solely for the purpose of you having a certain image about them? Plus all the additional psycho stress that blind-dating constrains people with. It is very unlikely the person you are meeting there face-to-face is actually the person they are. So how are you supposed to connect in this face-to-face meeting, if you are busy with pretending to be something you are not?

Maybe it is not even so much a tinder issue here as generally a blind-date-issue. Sure, it’s good to put yourself out there, to admit that you don’t want to spend the rest of your miserable life all by yourself with your 3 cats, bitterly leaving cynical comments on happier people’s Facebook status, and instead start an attempt to flirt relentlessly until that one good person swipes you right, too. But then you’re also going to go through a lot of disappointments, chats with cocky people or those that are just too lame to write more than “how’s your day?”, if at all; and meetings that are like a slap into your expectation-face with a cold and heartless piece of meat. And this whole package costs you one precious thing: time. Unless you love the process, don’t aim for the goal, or frustration will be your only reward.

Sure, it’s good to put yourself out there, to admit that you don’t want to spend the rest of your miserable life all by yourself with your 3 cats, bitterly leaving cynical comments on happier people’s Facebook status, and instead start an attempt to flirt relentlessly until that one good person swipes you right, too.

So, once again, even after the third attempt to give tinder a fair chance, I have to conclude that it just sucks for dating purposes. It does not at all increase the likelihood of meeting ‘the one’ (or, one of them, that is), not any more than you stumbling through your little grey daily routine and suddenly seeing the true colors of that one bus driver you have been waving good morning to throughout the past months. Maybe it makes you appreciate ‘the one’ more once you find them, after having seen the abyss of human psychology while swiping through earnest-looking Finnish faces, having conversations about the weather and beer – but that’s about it.

But for pure entertainment, it’s just priceless! And, luckily and unlike other dating services, so socially acceptable that I can openly admit I am using it again. Thus: stay tuned.

 

Comments

comments